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Home · The Writing Life

The struggle is real.

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Yesterday, while going through the bookshelves in my office, I came across a Mediations For WOMEN Who Do Too Much Journal.

It was one of those journals that places a word and a quote prompt on the top of each page. There didn’t seem to be any reason to keep it since I’d only written on the first five pages. I pitched it in the recycling bin, but then thought that I should at least read what I wrote.

The first entry was dated December 20, 1994, over twenty years ago. The word struggle was matched with the following quote by Oriana Fallaci:

You wear yourself out in the pursuit of wealth or love or freedom, you do everything to gain some right, and once it’s gained, you take no pleasure in it.

I was curious about what my twenty-nine year old self thought was a struggle. I fully expected to be amused. But what I wrote sounded eerily familiar.

I am in the midst of struggle. I’m struggling with my career. Where do I go? What do I do? I seem to be entrenched in the struggle. My life is passing me by.

Though older, and presumably wiser, I can relate to the sentiments of my younger self. Since 1994, I have struggled with my career. In fact, if you were sitting here next to me and we were talking, I would have used air quotes around the words my career.

For the majority of my adult life I have sat on the proverbial fence between motherhood and my career. Though part of me wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, I seemed to intuitively know that I wouldn’t be completely happy in the role. Early in my marriage, I didn’t have much of a choice. I needed to work. However, by the time my daughter was born, my husband had advanced in his career to the point that I was able to stay home. But to be honest after a year at home with three young children, I was more than a little ready to go back to work.

I held professional, salaried positions, but family remained my number one priority. My job had to be flexible. It helped that for the first ten years of my work-life every supervisor I had was a divorced single mother. But it’s difficult to build a career around flexibility. And as a result, I never felt that did either thing well.

I struggled. And I’m still struggling.

I still haven’t learned how to balance family with the pursuit of my career. I often wonder if that is even possible. But as I start to embrace the reality of being an empty-nester, I realize I have to let go of the striving and be who I am. Sometimes that means saying no to my family. Sometimes that means saying no to one professional pursuit.

At the bottom of the journal, there was a few words of encouragement written by Anne Wilson Schaef, the author of Meditations for WOMEN who do too much. It said:

Sometimes we have to struggle –– sometimes not. The issue is not the romance of the struggle. The issue is who we are as we engage in it.

My journal entry that day ended by questioning whether or not I enjoyed struggling. Looking back, I think a part of me did. But now, I truly understand there is no romance in the struggle. The real allure should be who we become as a result.

I decided to keep the journal. And in other twenty years I can read it along with this blog post. 

Until next time. . . 

The Writing Process

Seven days and counting . . .

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Today is the seventh day of my December blogging challenge. Though I should be celebrating a small victory, I’m worried about what lies ahead. The next twenty-four days tend to be the busiest of the entire year. How do I complete everything on my to do list, write a blog and still have time for fun? In addition to the logistics of getting the work done, what do I write about? I don’t want this to turn into thirty-one days of navel-grazing. It has to be more than words on a page. It needs to inform, inspire or entertain. It should leave the reader with something to think about.  

The problem with a lot blogs is that they’re more about the blogger than the audience or the message. But writing is a transition between the writer and the reader. Both have to feel as if they have gotten something out of the interaction. That’s what keeps readers reading. So as a writer we have to ask ourselves, “Who am I writing for?”

Personal blogs can be tricky. Generally the purpose is to express your feelings, thoughts or ideas. They become our personal platform. But a platform with no one to listen, is like screaming into the wind. So knowing and considering our audience is important. As is the age-old advice of Strunk and White: 

Write in a way that draws the reader’s attention to the sense and substance of the writing, rather than to the mood and temper of the author.

The Element of Style

All of that to say, it feels as if I have been cheating the last seven days. Each of my post have been sort of extension of my personal journal. I have been thinking more about me and my challenge than you and your time. And the reality is, that type of writing doesn’t isn’t interesting.

It’s got me thinking about how to shape the next twenty-four days so that readers look forward to my daily post. A tall order, I know.

The key to writing a reader-centered blog is to focus on one particular thing. That way the writer can zoom in on a specific audience and write for them. Also the writer doesn’t have to reinvent the wheel everyday. 

One idea that came to mind for my particular blog is to use the next few weeks as a testing ground for a new book on grief. Another idea was to write inspirational/devotional post. And yet another idea was to talk exclusively about the writing and books. I thought it also might be fun to do a review of the books I’ve read this year. 

This is one of those instances where I could really use your help.

What would you like to read? Would it be better to focus on one of the above ideas? Or is there a combination you might find interesting? 

Before I sign off for the night, I want to personally talk those of you who are chugging along with me through this process. Knowing you’re out there, warms my heart and keeps my bum in the chair.

Until tomorrow. . . 

  

 

    

The Writing Process

Five Tips for Writing on the Fly

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“Do you home work first, ” was my mother’s constant refrain.  As a child it annoyed me, but I obeyed. However, the older I get, the further I move away from that sage advice. My rationale being that I work better under pressure. A fancy way of saying I’m a procrastinator. 

After posting my blog last night just minutes before my husband and I had to rush out the door to a holiday party, I vowed to write today’s post earlier. I woke up at 7:30 and grabbed my notebook. But the only thing that came to mind was that I shouldn’t have had that last glass of wine.

I spent the next several hours nursing my hangover. 

I contemplated ditching my blog for the day, especially since I had a five o’clock flight back to Atlanta and dinner reservations with friends at eight. But then I received an email from my photography teacher that said not only was she following my thirty-one day blog challenge, but it inspired her.  

I panicked. People are actually watching. I can’t just quit when writing becomes inconvenient. 

So I came up with five ways to write on the fly:

  1. Plan. It’s a lot easier to compose a piece of writing when you plan ahead. Think about your subject. Read related articles. Jot down notes. 
  2. Set aside a specific time to write. The earlier the better so it isn’t hanging over you head all day like the sword of Damacles. 
  3. Anticipate distractions and/or obstacles. If you know that interuptions and challenges are always a possibility, you learn to do your homework first. That way if something comes up, your work is done. 
  4. Know your priorities. If something is important, we find time. 
  5. Be flexible. 

Today’s post got written on my iPhone while waiting for my flight to take-off. Not exactly ideal, but writing on the fly is still writing. 

Home · The Writing Life

Writing the Truth

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Today is the fifteen month anniversary of my son’s death. It doesn’t quite feel as devastating as it used to, but I still mark the date in my mind as I did during the first two years of his life. Everything is still fresh enough to consciously distinguish the specific amount of time with him and without him. And though I am beginning to feel more hopeful in general, the most innocuous thing can bring me to tears. Today it was the waiter at the airport bar. He didn’t exactly look like my son, but his coloring and hair cut was similar. I tried to fight it, but the tears came anyway. I had to speak the words out loud the words I think so often: “I miss him so much!”

After fifteen months, these types of incidents don’t completely sideline my day. I’m used to the tears. I let them flow. It’s my new truth. 

I’ve shied away from revealing too much about where I am in my journey. I didn’t want to write about grief and depression. But perhaps on a sub-conscious level this writing challenge is all about breaking through the boundaries. Meeting the page count day after day clears away the bullshit and fluff. All that is left is truth. 

I never wanted grief to be the “thing” I write about, but it is my reality. When I censor those thoughts and feelings, the writing is tedious for both me and my reader. But when I allow the truth to flow, the words pour out with little effort. The piece is energized with an honesty that draws in readers. 

Yesterday’s post was the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more I need to unravel about waterfalls, grief, depression and suicide. And to be honest, I’m a little afraid of the places it might lead me. Writing about the last year will be painful, but I know that the Lord is prompting me to shine a light into the darkness.  

That’s what you do in the wake of a loss. You try to make the world a better place. We need to talk more openly about depression and suicide. Those of us who are left behind have to be willing to share. I don’t want to be on this journey, but I am. And if sharing my experiences and thoughts helps others, it’s more than worth it.

I don’t know where this road will take me, but my hope is that it will play a part in removing some of the stigma associated with mental illness and suicide. 

Inspirational Musing

Chasing Waterfalls

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Niagara Falls was my first.

My family took an end-of-summer vacation there in 1974. I remember being excited about trip because my parents had gone for there for their honeymoon. I’m not sure exactly how much I understood about honeymoons at nine years old, but it seemed important. I wanted to stay in the same hotel and go where they went. The falls were secondary. I had no idea that trip would mark the beginning of my love affair with waterfalls.

The magnitude and volume of the Horseshoe Falls, the largest of the three falls that make up Niagara, blew my nine year-old mind. Even now I can’t quite find the words to describe the awe I felt. I would have been content to stand on the observation deck the entire trip. Of course, I was not nearly as thrilled with the behind the falls tour that descend 150 feet behind the falls. The yellow ponchos issued to each tourist hardly seemed adequate protection for 100,000 cubic feet per second flow of water over the falls. The trauma of the tour notwithstanding, seeing Niagara falls for the first time was by far one of the most magical moments in my childhood. So much so that as a parent I couldn’t wait to relive that moment with my own children. But unfortunately, they weren’t as impressed. Millennials!

Nonetheless, Niagara Falls maintained it’s special place in my heart until I discovered this waterfall on a hike near my house.    

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Every time I see it, I take a picture. Consequently, there are tons of photos on my phone and even more on my computer taken with my Canon. No single picture completely captures the beauty of the water tumbling over the edge of cliff. It’s mesmerizing. It easily supplanted Niagara falls as my favorite waterfall. It feels more intimate and personal. 

Last month, my husband and I spent a weekend driving from waterfall to waterfall in Highland, North Carolina. I felt like a little kid on Christmas morning. At one point, I actually jumped up and down with excitement. I couldn’t’ help but wonder why waterfalls create such a visceral feeling in my soul. Is it the sound of the rushing water? Is it the gentle mist in the air? Or nature that surround it? Or maybe it’s the way I feel when I’m there?

I feel God’s majesty and grace. There is a deep sense of peace. I am one with the flow.

The last pictures I took of my son before he died were at the Roswell Mill waterfall. In one photo, he was stretched out on a rock with his head threw back and the water rushed over him. He seemed at peace. There was no evidence of turmoil he must have felt battling his depression.  

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy amidst the simple beauty of nature. …I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.

-Anne Frank

Recently, while walking along the Chattahoochee river trail, I noticed a little waterfall that I hadn’t ever seen before.

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It lifted my spirits and made me smile. I think TLC got it wrong. We should all chase waterfalls.

 

The Writing Life

Finding My Happy

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I haven’t had the best day.

I woke up on the proverbial “wrong-side of the bed.” Then I rushed out of the house to meet someone for coffee only to find out, after I arrived at the cafe, she’d sent an email earlier to cancel.  

To say I was annoyed is understatement. 

I spent the next several minutes on a rant – in my head – about all the people who were pissing me off. I even went so far as to get the journal from my car so that I could write about it. But that didn’t help me to feel any better. In fact, the more I wrote, the more frustrated I got. And to make matters worse, today’s blog was hanging over my head. I tried to steer my journaling to a topic that might lead to a blog post. But I kept coming back to my various frustrations, a result of the many years practicing stream of consciousness writing.

I glanced around to see if there was something else in the store to write about. The two ladies sitting near me were having an in-depth conversation about one lady’s carpal tunnel. The barista was giving another employee directions about ordering supplies. Neither conversation was blog worthy or even that interesting. But then my eye landed on the owner of the shop. She was standing on a ladder right outside the door hanging Christmas lights. I watched, wishing I had same tenacity in my writing that she has with her business.

Years ago she started a cupcake/cake business in her kitchen. It grew to the point that she had to rent commercial kitchen space in order to fill her orders. Then she expanded her cupcake business into a restaurant. And a few years later – about the time I first met her – she began to talk about opening a European market that would sell coffee and pastries as well as wine and cheeses. It would be part Georgia, part France. To be honest, the idea seemed odd to me. I couldn’t quite picture it in my head. 

But then she opened Roswell Provisions.

Not only did it turn out just as she described, it has become one of the most popular places on the block. A casual observer might think things have come easy for her, but as her friend I have seen how much time and energy she puts into her business to make it successful. No matter the challenge, she never losses sight of her goals. 

Once during conversation, she explained what drove her determination: “My business makes me happy. You have to find your happy.” 

Over the last few years, I’ve thought a lot about “my happy”. I assumed it was writing but I wasn’t driven to make it priority. I rationalized that it wasn’t as important to me because I didn’t depend on it for my livelihood. But finding your happy is more about accomplishing your goals than receiving a paycheck. It is about doing the thing that satisfies your soul. So even though my day didn’t get much better, I made myself sit down and write. 

Writing is my happy. It isn’t always easy or fun, but it always satisfies. 

December Writing Challenge
Goal Setting · The Writing Life

December Writing Challenge

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Confession –– I shopped on Black Friday.

The frenzy and crowds kick off the Christmas shopping season for me. It all started years ago when my husband and I began taking our kids to see the holiday windows displays on State Street in Chicago. The lights and animated puppets never failed to put us in a festive mood.

While there are no windows displays in Atlanta, the people watching never disappoints. I always come away from our Black Friday shopping amused though often empty-handed.

It’s a horrible day to actually shop.

That said, I did manage to buy something this year –– a pen. I probably paid more than I should have, but I couldn’t resist. As I walked through the mall with my new purchase, I promised myself I would write everyday in the month of December. It wasn’t until I got home that I started to feel more than a little guilty. Did I really just spend that much on a pen? I contemplated taking it back, especially in light of my lower than average percentage of follow through with writing promises.

Then I wrote with it.

The way the ink flowed on the paper was almost magical. It made me want to start a new project. I suddenly wanted my writing life back.

The past year has taken its toll on my writing life. Mostly I dabble. And though I write in my journal regularly, I haven’t been able to finish anything other than my editor letters for Minerva Rising. It would be easy to blame the change in my writing life on grieving or life in general, but the reality is I haven’t said yes to writing. I have allowed other things to take over. While I don’t have much control over the grieving process, there are some things that don’t require as much attention and time as I give them. I spend a lot of time doing things that don’t add value to my life. And many of those things actually deplete my energy.

Facebook comes to mind.

Though I don’t post very often, I’m on everyday. I have watched more mindless videos and read more pointless articles than I care to admit. Rarely do I come away from the activity feeling better about myself or having moved any closer to my goals. And yet I say yes to spending my time that way everyday. That’s time I could spend writing. Why don’t I?

Writing is a lot like exercise. Not only is it good for me, I always feel better after I do it. But much like exercise, I procrastinate and create 99 excuses. I have good intentions, but allow my momentary comfort to circumvent my long term goals. It’s only after my body starts to ache or I can’t button my jeans that exercise becomes critical. My discomfort moves me to action.

The same holds true for writing. The decision not to say yes to my writing time creates negative energy. I find myself feeling guilty about all the things I should be doing, especially when someone ask about my book. The stress of unfinished projects blocks new ideas. thoughts, anxieties and doubts swirl around my head with no place to go. And when my head feels as if it’s going to explode I know I need to start writing again. I need it as much as I need exercise. It feeds my soul. Clears my head. It opens my eyes and heart to the world around me. And most importantly I spend less time obsessing over minutia –– which is another thing I spend way too much time doing.

All of this came to me while I was journaling with my new pen. I even had an idea for a writing challenge. What if I blogged every day for the month of December? It would definitely get me back on track with my writing life. It would stretch me and take me out of my comfort zone. Then I immediately came up with a ton of reasons (excuses) why now wasn’t the right time to start a writing challenge. It’s December. What about the preparation for the holiday party I’m hosting? And Christmas shopping for my family?

When would I possibly have time to write?

But what better time to challenge yourself than when you know that you are going to be busy. And lets face it, the rush of the holidays has never stopped me from watching television or scrolling through Facebook. Why should it stop me from writing?

So there it is. I’m announcing it to the world. I am writing a new blog every day for the month of December. Here are the ground rules.

  1. Each blog will be at least five hundred words
  2. It will be posted everyday by 8:00 p.m.
  3. There will be no interaction on any social media –– Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, etc until it’s done

I’ll admit I’m nervous. But the more you write, the better you write. So it begins. . .

If you would like to join me in the challenge to write more this December, email me here. We can encourage one another as we take our writing to another level.

The Writing Process

My Writing Process Blog Tour

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Woman writing in her diary at sunsetI’ve been tagged in the My Writing Process Blog Tour by Patricia Grace King. Check out what Patricia’s been up to at http://www.patriciagraceking.com/.

The blog is a relay that involves answering four question and then naming the authors who will follow. So here we go;

 What am I working on?

I’m on the third revision of my novel, set during the Harlem Renaissance, called Cora’s Kitchen. I thought I would be done by now, but my role as Editor in Chief at Minerva Rising has made it challenging to find time for my own writing. But now, I’m more determined than ever to get back in the chair and finish my work. 

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

Cora’s Kitchen would be classified as historical fiction. It differs other novels in that genre because it is about an African-American woman, who has the opportunity to pursue her dream. The Harlem Renaissance was an exciting period in our history. African-Americans were making great strides in the arts. The majority of the historical novels written about African-Americans focus on racism and oppression, but I prefer to write about the universality of being a woman.  

Why do I write what I do?

I’m all about empowering women. That is why I started Minerva Rising and why I love to write about women developing their potential and becoming self-actualized. It’s my hope that someone will read my novel and find hope and encouragement to pursue her dream. 

How does your writing process work? 

I’ve found that I am the most productive when I start my writing sessions in prayer. It puts everything in proper perspective and sets the tone for my day. Then I spend ten to fifteen minutes free writing to focus my mind. Sometimes just let the pen flow, recording my thoughts. Other times, I try to answer questions that arose from my last writing session.  I generally set an intention of either how much time I’m going to spend on writing or what I need to accomplish to be released from my desk.

Lately, I’ve been using this Focus Time app that breaks up my time into twenty-five-minute segments. It’s called the Pompodoro method. It’s really helpful when I’m struggling to keep my butt in the chair. I don’t allow myself to get up until I’ve completed a segment, then I take a five minute break. I often find myself not wanting to stop for my break, but I find I can work longer if I stand up and walk around. It’s as if I’m taking a mental stretch.  My goal is to complete four – twenty-five minute segments a day. and start writing, the words    

So that’s my process. Here’s who’s up next 

Ann Hedreen is a writer, teacher, filmmaker and voice of the KBCS radio commentary, The Restless Nest. Ann’s memoir about her mother’s younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease called Her Beautiful Brain will be available 2014. She and her husband Rustin Thompson own White Noise Productions. Together, they have made more than 100 films, many of which have been seen on PBS and other TV stations all over the world and some of which have won Emmys and other awards. They have two grown-up children and live in south Seattle. 

Ann blogs at: http://therestlessnest.wordpress.com/

Emily Shearer is a poet, yoga teacher and the Poetry Editor at Minerva Rising Literary Journal. She has been captivated by a desire to recreate the feeling of awe that poetry stirs in the soul. Her poetry has been published both on-line and in print at sol(e) literary journal, WritingtheWhirlwind.com, Minerva Rising, Mercury Retrograde and literarymama.com. 

Emily writes fiction and poetry both, and chronicle her life as a writer, mom and yogini at lineupyourducks.com.

Books · The Writing Life

Reading is Fundmental

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Sometimes the hardest thing about writing is getting started. First, you fight the internal battle to sit your bum in the chair. Once you actually sit, you have to figure out what to write. Then there’s the issue of having an idea in your head only to forget it the moment you open a document on the computer. Or if your remember what you wanted to write, you can’t think of how to say it. The words don’t seem to make sense. 

This situation reminds of the advice I read in Writing Down the Bones. Natalie Goldberg suggested that writers keep a page in their notebook with ideas of potential topics. But there are times when even coming up with a list can be a struggle.  A few days ago, I tried to develop a list but ended up writing things like Oreo cookies, ocean waves or asking questions like why am I stuck.  And while that type of question could be inspirational, it’s usually the result of a deeper existential crisis, which by the way never inspires me to write. So I’m left either whining about my life or writing about how I don’t know what to write about. Not exactly the type of thing that awakens one’s muse.

Whenever I’m stuck in a rut, it’s usually because I’m spending too much time in my head. I allow myself to frequent those dark places that rehash old hurts and play out terrifying what-ifs. Sometimes those thoughts are so overwhelming that I find myself saddened to the point of tears.  And as a result, not only don’t I write, I don’t read either. It’s as if I check out of the writer’s life. 

To be honest, I have struggled with this issue on and off for the last year or so.  But recently I bought Call me, Zelda by Erika Robuck from a local
independent bookstore. I had gone to hear another writer speak, but I found myself more intrigued by the cover of Robuck’s book. It reminded me of The Great Gatsby.  Turns out Zelda Fitzgerald was one of the characters in the novel. The story is about the friendship that forms between Zelda and her psychiatric nurse, Anna Howard. Like many fictionalized stories of famous writers, the story dealt with elements of the writing life. In fact, early in the novel Anna encourages Zelda to write in order to aid in her healing. I was excited by the whole premise, because it reminded me of the novel I’m revising about a woman who develops a mentoring relationship with Langston Hughes. I knew it would inspire my writing in some way. But what I hadn’t expected was how strongly my muse responded to Zelda’s reasons for not sharing her work with F. Scott Fitzgerald, her husband. I stopped reading, pulled out my journal and wrote continuously for the next forty-five minutes.

I hadn’t realized how much reading fed my spirit. It is a conduit to creativity and awakens my muse.  Natalie Goldberg writes:

 . . your writing comes out of a relationship with your life and its texture.

Reading is an essential part of the writing life. It gives us fresh eyes with which to view our world. It ask questions and challenges us to think in new ways. It engages our senses and makes the writer within come alive. When we find ourselves struggling to put words on the page, it may be an indication that we aren’t reading enough or the right type of things to foster a sense of curiosity, indignation or wonder.

Have you read today?