Books · The Writing Life

Living Your Personal Legend

They were looking only for gold,” his companion answered. “They were seeking the treasure of their Personal Legend, without wanting actually to live out the Personal Legend.

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

While reading The Alchemist, I felt my quest to be a published author was akin to Santiago’s quest for the buried treasure. He believed finding that treasure would miraculously change his life. He would have everything he ever needed, and in turn find contentment. That’s exactly what I thought would happen to me once I wrote a novel and had it published.

Publishing became my panacea. I believed that accomplishment would solve all my problems. I’d be famous and rich, which would inevitably lead to some sense of nirvana. It was like standing on the shore waiting for my ship to come in, especially since in the beginning I spent very little time, if any, actually writing. When I finally started to write, I was easily frustrated by how challenging it can be to translate the ideas in your head to words on the page. More often than not, I would give up after a while. I wanted the book, but not the work required to produce it. Writing was all about the finished book not about becoming a writer. I wasn’t much interested in living out my Personal Legend. I just wanted the treasure. The fame. The fortune.

Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that a publication rarely leads to the lifestyles of the rich and famous. However, I asked myself must I write? And I discovered I must, even if I never publish a book. I challenged myself to learn all that I could about writing so that I could grow as a writer. I sometimes wonder what would have happened to my personal quest if the current trend of self-publishing had been as popular twenty years so. Must likely I wouldn’t have two graduate degrees in writing and a real love for the craft.

All that to say, living out your Personal Legend isn’t about the bottom line or whatever you consider your “treasure.” It’s about who you become in the process. I find this particularly true after fourteen days of continuous blogging. I have had to make a conscious decision on how I spend my day and what I think about. Consequently, rather than obsessing about things that are bothering today, I thought about today’s post. I even found myself thinking about revisions for the next chapter of my novel. I am learning the self-discipline needed to truly live a writer’s life.

Paulo Coelho explains it this way in a passage that precedes the one at the top of the blog:

There is only one way to learn,” the alchemist answered. “It’s through action. Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey. You need to learn only one thing more.

I believe that one thing for me is follow-through. So onward I go with the December challenge.

Until tomorrow . . .

Books

Best Book I’ve Read This Year

The Bookends column in Sunday’s New York Times Book Review asked sixteen authors what was the best book, new or old, he or she read this year. Only two of the books listed stood out to me.

The first one was Outline by Rachel Cusk.  It’s about a woman writer who goes to Athens in the summer to teach a creative writing class. Not only do I love reading stories about writers, I also enjoy reading about places I’m either familiar with or curious about it. Although its only an hour and half away from where I live, I’ve never been to Athens. I think it would be cool to read the book and then spend the day in Athens. But the last line of Siddhartha Deb’s explanation for why he loved the book hooked me. He wrote, “The last word in this amazing novel is “solitude.” Who wouldn’t want to read a book that is described that way?

The second book is Fierce Attachments by Vivian Gornick. It’s about the complicated relationship between mothers and daughters. I wrote about this issue in my still-not-revised first novel. I thought it might provide much-needed insight into the subject. And as an added bonus, it might be just the motivation I need to revise my novel.

Reading the article made me look back over the books I read this year in order to determine which one was the best. The Alchemist wins hands down. The last twenty or so pages in my book are filled with asterisk, underlines and comments. The passages spoke directly to my heart, which only seems fitting since the book was really about following your heart in pursuit of your dreams. I had planned to go back to those notes and write about them once I finished book. But you know how that is.

IMG_2012In the margin of one page, I wrote a question: what is my heart saying? I wasn’t able to answer the question. My heart just ached from losing Matt. Fortunately, I see a wonderful acupuncturist, who recommended that I rub rose oil over my heart every morning. She said it would help to lift some of the heaviness I was carrying just after the one year anniversary of Matt’s death. Throughout history, rose oil has been used to relieve symptoms of depression. Now, every morning after I get out of the shower, I rub rose oil over my heart. That simple act has helped me become better at listening to my heart.

All that from a novel. It truly was the best book I’ve read this year.

 

 

Books · The Writing Life

Reading is Fundmental

Sometimes the hardest thing about writing is getting started. First, you fight the internal battle to sit your bum in the chair. Once you actually sit, you have to figure out what to write. Then there’s the issue of having an idea in your head only to forget it the moment you open a document on the computer. Or if your remember what you wanted to write, you can’t think of how to say it. The words don’t seem to make sense. 

This situation reminds of the advice I read in Writing Down the Bones. Natalie Goldberg suggested that writers keep a page in their notebook with ideas of potential topics. But there are times when even coming up with a list can be a struggle.  A few days ago, I tried to develop a list but ended up writing things like Oreo cookies, ocean waves or asking questions like why am I stuck.  And while that type of question could be inspirational, it’s usually the result of a deeper existential crisis, which by the way never inspires me to write. So I’m left either whining about my life or writing about how I don’t know what to write about. Not exactly the type of thing that awakens one’s muse.

Whenever I’m stuck in a rut, it’s usually because I’m spending too much time in my head. I allow myself to frequent those dark places that rehash old hurts and play out terrifying what-ifs. Sometimes those thoughts are so overwhelming that I find myself saddened to the point of tears.  And as a result, not only don’t I write, I don’t read either. It’s as if I check out of the writer’s life. 

To be honest, I have struggled with this issue on and off for the last year or so.  But recently I bought Call me, Zelda by Erika Robuck from a local
independent bookstore. I had gone to hear another writer speak, but I found myself more intrigued by the cover of Robuck’s book. It reminded me of The Great Gatsby.  Turns out Zelda Fitzgerald was one of the characters in the novel. The story is about the friendship that forms between Zelda and her psychiatric nurse, Anna Howard. Like many fictionalized stories of famous writers, the story dealt with elements of the writing life. In fact, early in the novel Anna encourages Zelda to write in order to aid in her healing. I was excited by the whole premise, because it reminded me of the novel I’m revising about a woman who develops a mentoring relationship with Langston Hughes. I knew it would inspire my writing in some way. But what I hadn’t expected was how strongly my muse responded to Zelda’s reasons for not sharing her work with F. Scott Fitzgerald, her husband. I stopped reading, pulled out my journal and wrote continuously for the next forty-five minutes.

I hadn’t realized how much reading fed my spirit. It is a conduit to creativity and awakens my muse.  Natalie Goldberg writes:

 . . your writing comes out of a relationship with your life and its texture.

Reading is an essential part of the writing life. It gives us fresh eyes with which to view our world. It ask questions and challenges us to think in new ways. It engages our senses and makes the writer within come alive. When we find ourselves struggling to put words on the page, it may be an indication that we aren’t reading enough or the right type of things to foster a sense of curiosity, indignation or wonder.

Have you read today?

Books · Quotes

A Life Lesson from Edith Wharton

 

I finally finished House of Mirth from my summer reading list. I wanted to abandon it several times, but it felt like cheating to not to read any of the classics off the list. I tried to read Lady Chatterly’s Lover several years ago on the beach in Aruba. Needless to say that was a bust.

Anyway, it took me over a month to get through it. I have to admit I didn’t love the book. I liked Age of Innocence much better, which isn’t hard to believe since it won the Pulitzer Prize in 1921. Nonetheless, I kept reading House of Mirth becauseWharton’s fictional world of wealthy New Yorkers reminded me of the contemporary struggles between upper and middle class. Unfortunately, in today’s world your socio-economic level can effect more than how you’re viewed in society or what party you’re invited to. It can mean losing your job while the CEO continues to be paid 231 times more than the average employee [“Are they worth it?” The Economist]. Wharton’s commentary on self-indulgence is as relevant today as it was in 1905.

But the most profound message from the book came from the following quote:

Miss Farrish could see no hope for her friend [Lily Bart, the protagonist] but in a life completely reorganized and detached from its old associations; whereas all Lily’s energies were centered on the determined effort to hold fast to those associations, to keep herself visibly identified with them, as long as the illusion could be maintained.

 

Lily Bart had been exiled from her familiar world of indulgent wealth, because many believed that she had an affair with a wealthy man. And though she didn’t enjoy interacting with the people who belonged to that world, she couldn’t let go. Her own identity was too closely tied to the perceptions of other people and the trappings of wealth. Letting go would have meant giving up who she thought she was. So she continued to strive for the life she thought she should have rather than the one that had the possibility of affording real happiness and love.

It reminds me of a picture I once saw on Facebook with two circles: one labeled “Your comfort zone” and the other labeled “Where the magic happens.” Lily’s behavior is much like our own when we are unwilling to a take a risk because it involves letting go of our perceptions of ourself. Sometimes detaching from “old associations” and reorganizing our lives is the very thing we need improve our circumstances. But instead, we use our energy to maintain the illusion of being satisfied with the status quo.

It happens to me more times than I care to admit. I resist some change because I’m afraid I might lose the comfort of the status quo. I spend way too much energy trying to maintain the illusion of who I think people think I am. the But defining one’s self by the perception of other is the very thing that drove Lily to her tragic end.

House of Mirth has stood the test of time because it speaks to the universal truth that It doesn’t matter what other people think. We each have to live our own lives.

 

 

Books

Support Your Local Independent Bookstore

After creating my summer reading list, I headed over to Barnes and Noble to purchase a few books. And much to my dismay, they didn’t have any of the books I listed. I asked a bookseller to check the computer to see if they had How to be Alone by Jonathan Franzen. Supposedly they had one copy, but the bookseller and I couldn’t find it. I ended up having to order it. I left the bookstore empty-handed and sad.

Next to the shoe department, which by the way I never leave empty-handed, bookstores are my favorite place to shop. I love the smell of new paper and the bright colors of the book jackets. If left alone, I can spend hours just perusing the shelves. It isn’t usual for me to come out with tons of books I didn’t even know I wanted.

Unfortunately, Barnes and Noble no longer qualifies as a bookstore to me. The first thing you see when you hit the door is the Nook display. They are much more interested in selling the Nook than good old fashion books. And the books they do offer seem to focus on what’s new or what’s popular. I know they have to make money and that e-readers are a hot commodity, but I refuse to jump on the bandwagon.

Books are so much more than words on a page. I need to feel the texture and weight of the paper between my fingertips. I need to hear the slight crack of the binding as I open it. I need to be drawn to the shelf by an interesting cover. I need a real bookstore.

As I walked out of Barnes and Noble, feeling like I had just lost my best friend, I decided to write a tribute blog to our past relationship and call it “The Death of the Bookstore”. I planned to work on it last week while I toured colleges with my daughter.

But after a wonderful tour of the University of Michigan (No bias, of course), I spied an independent bookstore on the way to the car. I dragged my daughter and her friend over to take a look.

I was in heaven.

I wanted to spend the rest of the afternoon searching the shelves for the perfect book. A few eye rolls and barely audible sighs let me know there was no way I was going to be able to shop and peace, so I quickly grabbed two books off the shelf.

As I paid for my purchases, it occurred to me that the bookstore was far from dead. Independent booksellers (or indies as they call themselves) still believed in the power of the printed word. But they need our support. So here are 7 reasons to be indie bound:

  1. Indies carry books on a variety of topics that you may not find in a chain bookstore. They carry the popular books found in the big box stores as well as lesser known authors and eclectic interest. I found a book at the indie in Ann Arbor about the history of women at the University of Michigan. The university was one of the first large institutions to admit women in 1870 and the book examined the results of what was called “The Dangerous Experiment.”
  2. Indies host monthly author events. Anderson Bookshop in Naperville, IL (one of my favorite places) is hosting ten different author reading and book signing this month alone. These events give you an intimate setting in which to meet the authors and to hear what they have to say about their books.
  3. Indies celebrate writing and writers. They carry books by local authors. They also host critiques groups and writing workshops.
  4. When you spend money an independent bookstore the money stays in your community. Indies are locally owned and operated. When you support them, more of your money is funneled back into the community. There’s a whole campaign called the 3/50 project which ask consumers to frequent three brick and mortar local businesses that they don’t want to see disappear and to spend $50 a month.
  5. Booksellers at independent bookstores are willing to spend more time with you. They freely share their personal favorites and will point you to another staff person if they aren’t familiar with a particular book. They are professionals readers and general work at the bookstore because they care about books.
  6. Indies have big comfortable chairs to read in. They want you to stay awhile. I’ve visited Indies where there is free coffee and cookies on the counter. The atmosphere is just more homey and laid back. I found a cute bookshop called Fox-Tale Bookshoppe in Woodstock, Georgia. The decor was so cute that I immediately wanted to grab a book and curl up in one of their chairs.
  7. Some Indies will even buy your used books. It is the perfect way to recycle and trim a little off of your book bill.

What are some other good reasons to go Indie Bound?

It’s up book lovers to support our local independent bookstores if we want them to be around in the future. Visit indiebound.org to find local bookstores in your area. Be sure to check out their Indies Next List for recommendations and new releases.

Books

Summer Reading List

Call me weird, but I get excited when my daughter brings home her summer reading list. I can’t wait to see which books the teachers selected. And I feel a certain vindication when one of my favorites makes the cut.

I’m always tempted to read one of the books on the list as a way to connect with my daughter. But after the Twilight mother-daughter book club debacle – I read all four books and she decided after the first one they were too boring – I realized she doesn’t share my enthusiasm for reading. Not to mention the fact that most of the books on her list get read two weeks before school starts in a rush mode that doesn’t invite much conversation. So this year I’ve decided to create my own summer reading list.

Last weekend I read through the New York Times book section for ideas, but nothing jumped out at me. I almost abandoned the idea, but then it occurred to me that my daughter’s list had a plan behind it. The teachers develop the list as a gateway to the coming school year. It’s designed to engage the mind and challenges thinking.  Of course the planning and foresight is often lost on high school students, but the premise of using the lazy days of summer to contemplate new ideas is inspiring.

So here is The Confident Writer’s summer reading list to nurture our inner writer. The list focuses more on categories than specific books. If the books listed don’t interest you, pick another one. The idea is to challenge your thinking and enrich your craft.   Read one from each category or pick your favorites.   Here’s the list:

  • A classic. I know there is some debate about what actually constitutes a classic, butthat doesn’t really matter for our purposes. What’s important is reading somethingthat has stood the test of time. I plan to read either House of Mirth (Edith Wharton) or Lady Chatterley’s Lover (D. H. Lawrence). My only motivation for choosing these two books is that they are both currently on my bookshelf unread.


  • A book on craft. The summer is the perfect time to commit to reading an instructional book, because we are more open to try new ideas. And though this blog is about writing, there are craft books for whatever you like to do. I plan to read either Turning Life into Fiction (Robin Hemley) or Writers and Their Notebooks (Diana Raab).

    • A collection of stories or essays. I’ve been dabbling in this genre with my own writing so I need to read more of it. I’m particularly interested pieces about relationships between men and women as well as suburbia. The nice thing about reading a collection is that you can read it in tiny snippets. My two picks are either How to Be Alone (Jonathan Franzen) or Eleven Kinds of Loneliness (Richard Yates).

Can you think of other books or categories that would be good to add to the list?  It’ll be fun to see what everyone is interested in. Share what you’re planning to read this summer.

Books

Ten Women Writers Who Most Influenced My Work

Helensadornementsblog just started a series called, Ten Influential Women Who Have Influenced My Life and Inspired Me. The blog features a post about how each of the women on the list has played a part in how Helen makes daily decisions and lives her life. It reminded me of all women writers who have guided me throughout my journey as a writer. But the following ten women have had the most powerful impact:

Natalie Goldberg

Anne Lamott

Anna Quindlen

Kate Chopin

Bebe Moore Campbell

Dorothy West

Judy Blume

Virginia Woolf

Joyce Carol Oates

Sylvia Path

I’ve read several books by each. Though the themes and styles vary, they all write about the complexity of life as a woman and/or writer. I’ve learned much from their work. I owe every woman on the list a ton of gratitude.

My plan is to celebrate these women by writing a post about each one, including a brief biography, overview of the works I’ve read, and a lesson I’ve learned about writing. I also hope to throw in a favorite quotes and/or scenes.

I’m really looking forward to this series. I hope you’ll share who has influenced your work along the way.

Books · Home

The Quiet Desperation of Suburban Living

I was tempted to jump on the holiday bandwagon and make this blog about Christmas, but I just finished Freedom by Jonathan Franzen and had to write about it. I probably would not have read the novel if a friend from my writing group hadn’t recommended. She thought it might be useful to my writing, because my short stories had similar themes. I wasn’t familiar with Franzen’s writing because I had a bias against him. Back when I was a Oprah fan, he refused to appear on her show when his earlier novel, The Corrections, was selected for Oprah’s Book Club. I thought he was a pompous asshole and sort of vowed not to read anything by him.  Boy was that a wrong call.

The casual way Franzen began the story drew me in immediately:

The news about Walter Berglund wasn’t picked up locally – he and Patty had moved away to Washington two years earlier and meant nothing to St. Paul now – but the urban gentry of Ramsey Hill were not so loyal to their city as not to read the New York Times.

That simple sentence told me a lot about the setting and the characters – an excellent example of showing rather than telling, by the way.  The other morning, while I was outside with my dogs,  a man driving a grey sedan flung a New York Times on my driveway before proceeding down the street to deliver more papers to my neighbors.

I understood the people Franzen was writing about. Walter and Patty Berglund could have easily been one of my neighbors. But what really won me over is the way Franzen captured the quiet desperation of the suburban middle class:

Where did the self-pity come from? The inordinate volume of it? By almost any standard, she led a luxurious life. She had all day every day to figure out some decent and satisfying way to live, and yet all she ever seemed to get for all her choices and all her freedom was more miserable. The autobiographer is almost forced to the conclusion that she pitied herself for being so free.

Freedom exposes the alcoholism, adultery and marital discord hidden behind the facade of suburban living. And though I haven’t experienced all of the things Franzen writes about, I’ve had enough issues in my marriage and with my children to understand Patty and Walter Berglund.  Their story reminded me of the people in my old neighborhood in suburban Chicago. The homes were so beautiful and well maintained, but on the inside people suffered in silence because no one wanted their neighbors to know what was really going on inside of their homes. I remember being devastated when I heard about a neighbor who took her life. Her adult son had been killed in a car accident. I remembered seeing her son’s car in the driveway. I never thought twice about it when I didn’t see it anymore. The friend who told me the story said the woman moved after his death, and then took her life. I can’t help but wonder what may have happened if her neighbors had known about her son and gathered around to support her. I know this is an extreme example, but the recycling bins full of beer and wine bottles sitting on the curb Wednesday mornings suggest that there is too much left unsaid.

The reviews on Goodreads are fairly split on Freedom. You either love it or hate it. I stand with those who loved it. Reading about people with similar social and economic background gives me insight into my own life. It also confirmed an inclination I’ve had recently to write stories about men and women much like myself who suffer in silence from loneliness and depression. I felt encouraged by Franzen’s honesty. I hope as a writer that I am able to be as honest in my writing.

If you’ve read Freedom, what’s your take on the novel and Jonathan Franzen?

I recently read Franzen’s 10 rules for Writing Fiction on 101 books.  The list originally came from The Guardian.

1 The reader is a friend, not an adversary, not a spectator.

2 Fiction that isn’t an author’s personal adventure into the frightening or the unknown isn’t worth writing for anything but money.

3 Never use the word “then” as a ­conjunction – we have “and” for this purpose. Substituting “then” is the lazy or tone-deaf writer’s non-solution to the problem of too many “ands” on the page.

4 Write in the third person unless a ­really distinctive first-person voice ­offers itself irresistibly.

5 When information becomes free and universally accessible, voluminous research for a novel is devalued along with it.

6 The most purely autobiographical ­fiction requires pure invention. Nobody ever wrote a more auto­biographical story than “The Meta­morphosis”.

7 You see more sitting still than chasing after.

8 It’s doubtful that anyone with an internet connection at his workplace is writing good fiction.

Interesting verbs are seldom very interesting.

10 You have to love before you can be relentless.

I love number two and seven.  Number eight offended me. Turns out checking Facebook and email does inhibit my creativity and limit my productivity.  Go figure.

In spite of our bumpy beginning, Franzen may just become a new favorite. I’m off to purchase The Corrections.

Books · Quotes

Reading and Ruminating – Krik?Krak!

Lately, I’ve had a lot of free time on my hands so I decided to volunteer at a local shelter for women. I thought it might be helpful if I taught a writing class, but the program didn’t really lend itself to that type of thing.  I went to the volunteer orientation nonetheless. There were several other women there asking questions that frankly bored me. I began to think I had made a mistake until the director explained the role of the volunteer as inviting the women to share their stories in a non-threatening relationship of mutual trust. It reminded me of the role of the writer. It’s our responsibility to be the voice of those who can’t speak for themselves and to share their difficult stories.

 

Edwidge Danticat does just that in her book Krik? Krak! She weaves several short stories into a larger commentary on the communal strength of the Haitian women. Though each woman’s story is capable of standing alone, the passage below, from “Epilogue: Women Like Us”, unifies the collection:

 

 

When you write, it’s like braiding your hair. Taking a handful of coarse unruly strands and attempting to bring them unity. Your fingers have still not perfected the task.

 

Each story is “a handful of coarse unruly strands”. Danticat works through the pain each woman’s suffered by exposing the cruelties and inhumanities of the experiences. Writing about these incidents is much like the yanking and pulling it takes to bring order to  “coarse unruly” strands of hair. When you begin to examine incredible loss and heartache your emotions become “coarse” and “unruly”. You have no control over where they will take you or the depths in which it will affect your own soul.

The phrase, “Your fingers have still not perfected the task”, speaks to the fact that no matter how many times you have braided your hair, you still have to go through the process of combing through the tangles and braiding each individual braid. There is no shortcut or fast track. It takes time and it is painful. As Danticat combs through the horror of boat full of Haitians sinking off the coast of the Bahamas or the desperation of a father committing suicide because he can’t provide for his family, the reader is able to see a more complete picture of brutality inflicted on the Haitian people. And in many ways the atrocities are things that are familiar to the Haitian people because they happen over and over again. However, it’s impossible to get used to it or to “perfect the task” of making sense of tragedy.

The simile of writing like braiding also blends in the cultural aspect of Danticat’s story. Braided hair is a sign of beauty and order for the Haitian woman. If a woman is able to tame her hair and bring order to chaos she is revered as beautiful. By combing through the experience in writing, Danticat is able to reveal the beauty of the woman.

_________________________________________________________________

Dandicat, Edwidge. Krik? Krak! Vintage: New York, 1996. Print.

Books

Hemingway Lesson Part II – Replenish your creative well

I love the scene from The Shining when Shelley Duvall goes into Jack Nicolson’s office and finds a stack of paper with “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” typed repeatedly for hundreds of pages. When I first saw it, back the 80’s, it really creeped me out. But now whenever I find myself in front of a blank computer screen with absolutely nothing to write about, it suddenly makes sense (well, sort of). It’s almost impossible to write when your creativity well is empty. That’s where we can take another lesson from Hemingway. Work hard, then replenished your well:

When I was writing, it was necessary for me to read after I had written. If you kept thinking about it, you would lose the thing that you were writing before you could go on with it the next day. It was necessary to get exercise, to be tired in the body, and it was very good to make love with whom you loved. That was better than anything. But afterwards, when you were empty, it was necessary to read in order not to think or worry about your work until you could do it again (25).

We sometimes make ourselves into “dull boys” by not doing activities that refresh us. My free time is often filled with checking email, Facebook, Twitter or surfing the Internet. And if I’m honest, it’s all pretty draining. Exercise, on the other hand, is not only beneficial for our health, but also does wonders for our creativity. It clears the mind by transferring the focus from our brains to our bodies. When I’m exercising, I have a hard time maintaining a train of thought. I get lost in the activity because my endorphins have kicked in or I’m in too much pain to think about anything else. Either way, I come back to my writing recharged.

I also find it helpful to spend quality time with the people I love. Being with my husband is the best. Enough said.

Hemingway emphasizes the importance of reading by making it the bookend for all of his activities. Writers know that it’s essential to read. I would argue the benefits of reading reach far beyond writers. It stimulates thinking and expands the mind. It can also be entertaining. Far too often I treat reading as an extension of my work rather than using it to replenish my creative well. Everything I read is either instructional or spiritual. Even when I pick up a novel I study it for craft rather just enjoy it. My daughter once told me all the novels I read are depressing. So she picked out something fun for me to read. Surprisingly, I enjoyed the light-heartedness of her selection. I think that is exactly what Hemingway was saying. Reading should transport us to another place to let our mind rest. When we’re resting, our mind does its best work.

Just like we have to commit ourselves to our work, we also have to regularly replenishing our well. So my challenge for you this week is to do something fun. Spend the weekend replenishing your creative well. Remember, “all work and no play makes {insert your name} a dull boy/girl”.